Struggling

It’s been a while since I’ve written my thoughts down.

I’ve been struggling lately. Atruggling with my thoughts, my esting habits, and my weight. I was so proud of my journey and starting to feel healthy when suddenly I wasnt anymore. I had a hard time standing to cook and do the dishes. I had a terrible pain in my back and my legs felt like they couldn’t hold my weight anymore.

I stepped on the scale and was appalled. All the healthy eating and changes I was making wasn’t making a difference. I gained 50 lbs in 2 weeks. You read that right- 50 lbs. That was discouraging.

I knew something was wrong, so I called my doctor and set an appointment as soon as possible. My tsh had sky rocketed to 45.90 (when the normal range is between .27 and 4.2!) I was also retaining fluids. He also explained it was impossible to gain 50 lbs in such a short time frame and not to worry.

So he upped my dosage on my levothyroxine and put me on a mild diuretic to see if my weight goes down. He also recommended that i take my IUD out to see if my hormones balance, but due to being laid off because of covid, i can’t afford it. Not having insurance is a pain. Its now been 3 weeks and I’ve only lost about 5 lbs, but I must admit that my eating habits haven’t been so great.

I’ve got a meal plan sketched out for the next few weeks and I’m gonna get back into meal prepping. I’m about to clean my house a bit and go grocery shopping to get started and try to get myself on the right mindset.

Today I’m tired and in pain. My ankles are swollen with fluids, and my cheat has been tight. I’m terrified that I will never get better.

I’m afraid that I will never be in a normal range and that I will always feel like this. But I also know I can’t give up. I have to at least try and get my life healthy starting from the outside. I want to be careful of what I put in my body and really start to get healthy.

It’s not about the weight. It’s about how every day and how much I struggle to get out of bed when I finally fall asleep. I know this will be a long journey and change won’t happen over night, but I’m frustrated.

I’ll try and get better at Journaling for myself. I want to look back at this in a year, 5, 10, however long it takes and be proud of the changes I make. Because I’m confident I can make it happen. This will be my biggest challenge, but I’ve never been wrong to give up.

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